So I finally saw Iron Man… Was it worth the wait? Yes and no. Y’see, I got this curse…Now, others might call it a gift, but not me, I know better. Sometimes when I watch a movie, I either predict the shit outta it, or think about how I would’ve done it, or both. With this movie, surprisingly, I didn’t predict the shit out of it. I think the reason for that was Jon Favreau and the four writers went way below my expectations when it came to the climactic ending, causing me to think about how I woulda done it.
This is an ‘origin’ movie, so it takes a lot of time for Tony Stark to become Iron Man. My 11 year old son had a hard time with this, but I didn’t, because Robert Downey Jr. does such a great job.
Plus, I’m sittin’ there with the matter-of-fact-knowledge that when he finally puts on the suit, it’s gonna be worth all that dialog and witty banter.
I was fucking wrong. He puts on the suit and flies around the city a bit, then decides for some reason (foreshadowing!) to see if he can fly into space. Of course his suit ices up and he falls back to earth, with the power coming back on at the last minute, but didn’t we already see that scene in The Hulk (minus the jet boots and the humor)? Maybe that’ll be the new go-to scene in superhero movies, like in action movies, when the bad guy grabs a cop’s gun after he’s been supposedly beaten, giving the good guy, who did the Christian thing by sparing his life, a reason to not do what Jesus would do.
So that was a letdown.
Next thing to look forward to? The revenge sequence, where Tony as Iron Man flies back to the desert to save refugees and kill the terrorists who held him prisoner and killed the man who saved his life. This didn’t let me down, it just went by too quick.
But that’s okay, right? Cuz now here comes the jet fighter sequence! Am I on the edge of my seat? No dammit no. Jonny Favs, don’t use a stationary camera angle and have CG Iron Man zoom past it. I don’t give a shit about his contrails! I wanna see Iron Man as he flies!
Film it as you would a car chase! Complain all you want about The Matrix Reloaded, but it had one of the best car chase scenes ever filmed. Imagine Trinity and the Keymaker on that bike just zooming by a camera the Wachowski’s placed on the freeway, over and over again. So I’m exaggerating.
And speaking of the guy who saved Tony's life and got him to change from arms dealer to super hero... There's a scene where Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) refuses to help Tony in his crusade to protect the people, because in her mind, it'll just get him killed, and she cares too much blah blah blah, so she quits. Yeah, just a plot device to get Tony riled up and give a speech about how she was by his side the whole time he was making millions off the death and destruction of innocents, and now that he wants to protect the innocent? "Okay," I think, "here comes the Oscar-nominated power of Bobby Downey Juney! He's gonna tell her about the man who saved his life and get all emotional n' shit...!"
Then he sits down, like he's tired and he's just asked her to get him a coffee and she said "Aw man. Now?"
Jonny? You done missed a golden opportunity to show Tony Stark has got a new heart- both figuratively AND literally!
Okay, so now we get to the climactic battle between Iron Monger and Iron Man. Monger picks up a car and throws it at Iron Man.
Iron Man gets thrown into a bus. Monger blows up the bus. Then they both fly up and freeze in the atmosphere! (Foreshadowing pays off! (there’s way more foreshadowing in this movie, but I’m tired)) Iron Man lets the giant 3 ton Monger fall back towards the city, not giving a shit about what or who he’s gonna land on and destroy.
But it doesn’t matter anyway, cuz Monger is okay, and knocks Shell Head’s helmet off so we can see it’s Robert Downey Jr. in there (which I didn’t mind at all. Nowhere near as bad as
Alec Baldwin in The Shadow).So instead of Iron Man defeating the bad guy, Pepper Potts pushes a button and saves the day…much like Dee Dee in Dexter’s Laboratory: Ego Trip.
At one point during this movie, I actually stopped leaning forward, because I realized they weren’t interested in blowing me or my son away with awesomeness. I lean forward during movies when it gets really exciting, you see…
So, having said all that, I still want to see it in theaters again, then buy the 2 disc special edition dvd.
Love,
Jeff
